"the lamps and their light"

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the lamps and their light
(andy smith)

i knew you was smokin'
cause your window was open
and from the ground below
i felt like an ashtray and
the moon was a nail
on a finger in midair
that pointed right at you,
but i keep forgettin' that

i-i-i-i was telling you
terrible lies
and you-oo-oo-oo
were ever so, ever so, kind
i'll keep that in mind

i knew you was leavin'
cause you told me last evening
by the shitty truck
that doesn't start in the summer
and our love was a song
i hadn't heard in so long
and by the second verse
i forgot why i liked it

and i-i-i-i was telling you
terrible lies
and you-oo-oo-oo
were ever so, ever so, kind
i'll keep that in mind

don't you wanna believe?
don't you wanna believe?
don't you wanna believe?
in me.
so do i.











[photos by me, composites of 1982 & 2007 photos - fuck Photoshop, stay primitive]

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My Birthday Song

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Thanks for the "birthday song" Andy!


"May the good Lord shine a light on you
.Make every song you sing your favorite tune
.May the good Lord shine a light on you
.Warm, like the evening sun"
.(Jagger/Richards)

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My 56th Birthday Celebration

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I am happy to report that my birthday celebration on Saturday was one of the best that I can remember.

My gal Penny came through with a little bit of everything, including killer lasagna (that I have already had six helpings of in less than 24 hours); chicken & dumplings (just in case I need a break from the lasagna); chocolate pie w/graham cracker crust (just like my Mama use to make on my birthdays), and of course, the always needed chocolate pie accessory - a large tub of Cool Whip; a very cool Andy Warhol style Cincinnati Reds t-shirt; two tickets to the Reds-Mets game on May 4th (lower deck, 11 rows behind the Reds dugout); a $20 gift certificate to the Dollar General store (kind of an inside joke); a bottle of Elsa's Bad Juan margaritas complete with two fresh limes and special margarita salt; a very pretty and often smiling face that she let me softly touch at my leisure; and much, much more.

So how do you top off a day of loving gifts like that?

You go straight to the South Park Tavern and watch your son perform an absolutely stellar solo set!

But wait there's more!

As requested earlier in the day, Andy played a fairly new song - the beautiful and goose bump inducing "The Lamps And Their Light." He introduced it by saying "This song goes out to my Dad - it's his birthday today!" This brought about a rousing cheer of "Happy Birthday!" from Andy and just about everyone in the very crowded bar.

Alright! Both my first song dedication *and* my largest "Happy Birthday" wish in 56 years! It was definitely worth the wait.

My thanks to Andy, Penny, and everyone else for the happy birthday wishes, gifts, and cards.

Next stop . . . number 57.

Be safe.

I want you all to be there once again.

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Boy Smith 221..."It's Moving!...It's Alive!!"

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Check out this very recently discovered 58 seconds of black & white archival film footage from April 24, 1954. It actually captures my very first motor movements while in the Piqua Memorial Hospital's maternity ward!

Watch my right hand very closely, and then my right arm.

It's pretty amazing stuff:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSCBvu_kijo


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tonight! . . . Tonight!! . . . TONIGHT!!!

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"tonight's the night . . . tonight's the night"
(n. young)


. . . . . . . . . . (pictured left to right: Andrew "Andy" Smith)

Are you tired of sitting at home every Saturday night watching your first-born honor student study?

Then come to South Park Tavern this Saturday, April 24th, and watch my first-born perform songs conceived, conceptualized, and rendered entirely from *inside his head and heart* (I am not making this up).

Hear solo versions of songs from Andrew and the Pretty Punchers critically-acclaimed release Goodbye Ohio (rumored to be the most played CD on the jukebox at Blind Bob's Tavern).















Also hear songs from the much anticipated Andrew and the Pretty Punchers second and final release No Longer A Lover.

But wait . . . there's more!!!

Also hear solo renditions of songs from the mysteriously titled upcoming project Tables & Chairs.

Andrew "Andy" Smith will be performing first - probably at around 9ish - followed by two excellent bands: The Rebel Set and Sleepybird.

South Park Tavern closes at 1:00 and they have always been very good about getting shows started on time.

See you then!





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I Demand My Right To Continue To Have The Right To Have A Washer And Dryer!

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Since I have become the proud owner of an original 1995 Mattel Supersoaker (see blog entry below), I have decided that I might attend a local gun rights rally and get to know some of my fellow gun owners.
Actually, I was planning to attend one of the rallies before my purchase.

My original motive for attending was simple curiosity. I am intrigued with the concept of having a rally to demand something that you already have:

"We come here today as proud gun owners! [CHEERS] . . . and when we go home today, um - well . . . we like, demand and stuff, to still be proud gun owners!" [a few claps, a slightly more reserved cheer, and then what appears to be a barely suppressed giggle from a tall bearded white guy way in the back].

Hey, maybe I will organize a "washing machine rally" to demand the right for law-abiding citizens to have, I mean - to continue having, washing machines. Or better yet - there's strength in numbers - maybe I could join forces with the dryer community and we could hold a rally for "washing machine *and* dryer" rights.

Hey! And what about "car" rights?!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Whoa! Hold your horses there big guy! One political cause at a time]

But anyway, back to the gun rights rally.

I went online to find a date and location for a local rally. While visiting some of the "gun rights" websites, it became obvious to me that the primary reason for the rallies is a concern that the current administration wants to diminish, or completely abolish, gun rights. It seems to be more of a collective fear within the gun owner community, rather than anything based on current legislation or recent comments from the president.

This information helped me better understand the purpose of the rallies. Unfortunately, it also made me re-think attending one of the rallies.

A large group of paranoid people who own guns?

I think that maybe it would be best if I sit that one out.

After talking it over with loved ones, I have decided that it might be best if I focus my political energies on the washer and dryer rights community for starters. Kind of get my feet wet, if you will.

And then - who knows - with all of the stuff that I currently own, I could devote the rest of my life to hosting rallies to make sure that I, um . . . still own the stuff by the end of the rally!

Cool. After all of these years I am finally becoming "politically active," just like the people I see on TV.

Oh democracy . . . let thy lamp of vigilance shine bright!

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Bill Goodman Gun And Knife Show

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I went to the "Bill Goodman Gun & Knife Show" at Hara Arena today. Believe it or not I scored a *1995* Mattel "SuperSoaker" (see above).

Does the word "awesome" mean anything to you right now?!

And "yes" I did say "the '95" (eat your hearts out Lonnie & Frankie!).

It holds like 2 quarts of water (not counting the 6 ounces in the chamber). It's pretty cool.

The guy wanted $40 for it but I talked him down to $30.

It's one of like only 100 yellow and green ones that Mattel made that year.

YES!!!

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Someone Secure A Mop Please, For I Have Melted Upon The Floor: The Guided By Voices/Robert Pollard Key Losers Song Series, Song #1

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"the key losers . . .
the part-time players
the scrubs"
(r. pollard)


Back in August 2003, I attended a Guided By Voices show at the Southgate House in Newport, Kentucky. Matador Records had just announced that they would be releasing a Guided By Voices "Best Of" CD containing 25 songs.

I ran into Robert Pollard before the show and I asked him: "So, how in the hell are you going to narrow the "Best Of" collection down to 25 songs?" He got very animated and said "No, man - I talked them into 32! I first said 28 and they said 'no problem' so I said - what the hell - how about 32 then?"

Three months later "The Best Of Guided By Voices: Human Amusements At Hourly Rates" was released and, sure enough, it contained 32 great GBV songs just as Bob had promised (and a great cover photo!):


. . . . . . . ."Trust the wizard - here we go!" (R. Pollard)

I am still very surprised at how well the album "plays" since "greatest hits" or "best of" releases tend to be a little clumsy and awkward since, by definition, they cover a long period of time. But of course, like every other Guided By Voices fan, I started thinking about the songs that Bob *should* have included.

That's where "Someone Secure A Mop Please, For I Have Melted Upon The Floor: The Guided By Voices/Robert Pollard Key Losers Song Series" comes in. The Guided By Voices songs selected for this series were not on the "Best Of" release and yet they either:

1) melt my heart

2) goose my flesh

or

3) bring tears to my eyes

In my opinion these songs represent the "great unknown" in the Guided By Voices/Robert Pollard canon of song. I suspect that songwriters all across this land would kill for any one of these songs, but each one was deemed not worthy of the "Best Of" release.

Put that in your pipe for a second and smoke it.

OK - time's up.

I will initially limit my selections to songs available on youtube. Please keep in mind that many of the videos vary in quality, and in most instances, were made independent of the band.

Bottomline: it's the song that matters.

So without further adieu, I present song #1 in the "Someone Secure A Mop Please, For I Have Melted Upon The Floor: The Guided By Voices/Robert Pollard Key Losers Song Series":


"Redman And Their Wives" (1996)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qksGCbENelc



Redman And Their Wives

fall out of bed
they're issuing lives
for redmen and their wives

offering hands
and twiddling thumbs
for dreams that never come

it's often said:
"you better not look away
you'll lose the day"

the way I see it
it's already lost
"so then be it" they say

they're sharpening knives
and primitive lives
for redmen and their wives

breadwinner and klutz
and losing it all
before the one eyes shuts

well I see it
as paying the price
nobody feels it these days

well I'd like to go
and kiss them away
well I'd like to know another way

did you notice that
they're taking back lives from redmen?
just to give them time
to find the light
and all the things
that bind with fright
a killer's waking up this time
to rob us clean
and leave us blind
they'll never see it shine
no they'll never find the time . . .

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"Sean...SIT! Sean...ROLL OVER! Sean...SPEAK! Sean...DON'T SPEAK! . . . GOOD BOY!!!"

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(pictured above: Fox Broadcasting CEO Roger Ailes' quite rare, Irish lapdog "Sean")


"him likes to have him's belly
scratched, doesn't him!?
yes him does! thassa good
boy...oh yes yes - sean's a
good boy! - yes him is!!!"
(R. Ailes)

[cut to Sean's right knee jerking uncontrollably, and just a little spot of puppy "piddle" appearing on Mr. Ailes' lap]



So 10,000 people showed up at the "Tea Party" rally in Cincinnati yesterday.

Unfortunately, the [ahem] "star" attraction, Sean Hannity, bailed as the keynote speaker. And the reason why Sean skipped town? Because Fox News thought that the "Tea Party" organizers were charging too much to hear their head waterboy speak. "Tea Party" officials say that attendees will be reimbursed their $5.00(?!) admission fee.

So let me get this straight: Sean is scheduled to deliver his canned speech on "capitalism" to the converted choir of capitalists, but Fox News pulls the plug because of . . . capitalism(?!)

God damn these "Tea Party" folk!!! How are you supposed to satirize a political party that provides its own punch lines?!

I mean - I realize these well-to-do white folk are proud of their self-sufficiency, but damn it! Leave the punchlines for the lesser of us!

Hell, as far as I'm concerned, they should run the whole lot of them through the Obamacare "death panels," or ship their sorry asses off in black helicoptors to hidden FEMA trailers! That'll learn 'em!

By the way, as of press time, there's still no word whether Fox News will also reimburse the Keystone Cops - the firm they had hired to do security at the event.


And speaking of the Obamacare "death panels" . . . does anyone know when those kick in?

Soon, I hope.

I got this little old lady living beneath me that is driving me freakin' crazy: "Oh, I'm so lonely . . . Oh, I'm so old . . . Oh boo-hoo - blahblahblah"

Jesus Christ lady!

Put a sock in it why doncha?!

There's no room for whiners in The New World Order!

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A Call From The "Big Guy"

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OK folks.

This is huge.

I just got a call from the President of the United States.

That's right, the "Big Guy," Barack Obama just called me.

I guess he heard that I had been following this whole "Tea Party" thing (I suspect that he reads my blog), and since I am retired, and have some time on my hands, he asked for my assistance.

I said: "Whatever you need, Mr. President."

It appears that President Obama would like to "reach out" to Tea Party members - offer an "olive branch" if you will. Specifically, he has noticed many of the "Keep Your Government Hands Off My Medicare!" signs at the Tea Party rallies. He wants to reassure these particular people that he would like to do just that, but since Medicare checks come directly from the federal government, White House staff are having difficulty devising a way to deliver the checks without actually "touching" them (i.e. "keeping their hands off of them").

The best that the inner circle of presidential advisors has been able to come up with is a rather archaic "tong and blow" system. Using this procedure Medicare staff grab parcels of Medicare checks using these lengthy extended tongs, and then they drop the checks into the mail slot. The mail deliverers then take them from house to house, not by carrying them in their leather satchels, but by setting the individual envelopes on the ground (with their own much smaller tongs), dropping to their knees, and then actually blowing the envelopes down the sidewalk.

Although alpha sites show that this system does work, there have been questions raised as to whether the tongs constitute an extension of the "government hands" that the Tea Party people do not want touching their checks.

Oh yeah, and there have also been widespread reports of postal delivery personnel hyperventilating.

President Obama thought that since I am kind of an "idea person" that I might have some "ideas" on how the government can keep their "government hands" off of Medicare checks and yet still deliver them.

I'm putting this out there for everyone. Any thoughts?

And "yes" - you will receive credit for any viable suggestions that you make.

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"Gangster Government"

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“We’re on to them. We’re on to this gangster government,” Rep. Michele Bachmann (R.-Minn) told the cheering Tea Party crowd at Freedom Plaza in Washington, a few blocks from the White House. "And we are not going to let them have their way.”


Hmmm . . . I wonder why she used the "g" word?

It couldn't be about taxes, one of the Tea Party's main "reasons to be," because the current president has made them the lowest they have been in 60 years (it's true, do the research).

Oh! I bet it's about healthcare!

No. wait.

Would Michele have referred to "Hillarycare" in 1992 as "gangster government?" Not probable.

What about Jimmy Carter's failed plan for universal healthcare? Would that have constituted "gangster government?" Not hardly.

And then there was Richard Nixon's attempt at universal healthcare (yes, Richard Nixon). Had that passed, would that have brought charges of "gangster government?" No way.

Hmmm . . . so what could it be that is unique about President Obama that makes his policies a skin to, oops - I mean "akin to" (not sure what made me say "skin" there) to a "gangster government?"

Do tell, Michele, do tell.


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My New Laundry Basket

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I got a new laundry basket at the dollar store (see below).

I'm pretty happy with it.


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Amelia and Tess

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Big sister Amelia sings her favorite Guided By Voices song for her little sister, Tess:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fGAkJ9YYDw



The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory
(R. Pollard)

cold hands touching my face
don't hide - the snake can see you
old friends you might not remember
fading away from you
the goldheart mountaintop queen directory
the goldheart mountaintop queen directory

and we looked
and we passed
through the hallways of shatterproof glass

she runs through the night as if nobody cares
she screams and she cries and ignores all the stares
she wants me to come, but i'm never going there
the goldheart mountaintop queen directory
the goldheart mountaintop queen directory




the original version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcUG_rXHeRM

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Saturday, April 24th, 9:00 @ South Park Tavern

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It's Muffin Man Phil At The Wheels Of Steel!

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"Hello out there in blog land! This is Dayton's pride and joy, Muffin Man Phil, spinnin' all the hits for all you cool cats and cool kittens out there in D-town and beyond!

Next up is a blast from the past from one of my favorites - my fellow Daytonian, Andy Smith!

And don't forget . . . if you ever see ol' Muffin Man Phil on the street - give him a quarter so he can get himself a muffin!"

Take us home, Andy!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ewu4Fvx7_k










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love like the child
(a. smith)

love like a child

and trust like a fool

kiss the blue lips of depression

abandon all doubt
like trash to the can

but hold onto all yr good lessons

mind to yr health

but drink like yr dead!

yr gift ain't waitin' in heaven

yr gift ain''t waitin' in heaven

hide all yr secrets

inside of yr jokes

but yell the truth when it's questioned

skip pass the sidewalk

and take to the streets

fight to out whatever is missing

mind to yr health

but drink like yr dead!

your gift ain't waitin' in heaven

your gift ain't waitin' in heaven

your gift ain't waitin' in heaven

cause yr gift ain't waitin' nowhere!

My First SA ("Socialists Anonymous") Meeting

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Well, I am proud to say that I finally bit the bullet, owned up to the last 30 years of my life, and attended a SA (Socialists Anonymous) meeting.

It was probably one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do, but I am very proud that I "stepped up to the plate" and admitted that I have a problem.

I thought that some of you might be interested in reading the transcript from my first meeting:



"Hello. my name is Kevin and I am a socialist.

["Hi Kevin"]

I have been a socialist most of my life, but am now finally admitting it

[sporadic hand claps & a quiet 'amen brother'].

I worked for 30 years in public funded socialist libraries where anyone could just walk in and borrow items without having to pay for them. I not only watched this happen - and made no attempt to avert my eyes - sometimes I even helped these people. But unfortunately, that wasn't enough. I also pooled my money with my colleagues and started receiving socialized medicine.

In 2005, my retirement system knew of my weakness and they offered me a sweet deal that came from socialized public funds. But once again that wasn't enough for me. I also signed up for public funded socialized medicine from this same retirement group.

I guess I knew I was really hooked on the stuff back in '89, when I [voice shaking], well . . . as they say 'the son inherits the sins of the father' when I . . . I - enrolled my son at the public funded socialist school 'Madison Park' in Trotwood

[a few gasps and a soft 'Go Rams!'].

Now I just try to stay clean, although I'm still sucking off the double socialist teat (money & health insurance) of my retirement system.

Sure I occasionally stop at my local public funded socialist library, but it's usually for just *one* book. Then I head on down the public funded socialist road back to my house.

Sometimes, while watching television, I will stumble onto the public funded socialist Public Broadcasting System (PBS) television station. Although I try to immediately change the channel, I admit that on occasion I have lingered there . . . and watched.

Well - that's it for now, I guess. thanks."

[applause and random words of encouragement]




ADDENDUM: I am supposed to return for another meeting, or at least contact my support person, this month. I will keep you posted of any developments. In the meantime, thanks to everyone for their support. I will get through this . . . "I will survive."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I


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Bob vs. The Tea Party

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Two very brief videos for your viewing "pleasure":

Directly below is a video of the Tea Party in action this week in Columbus, Ohio. For this week's protest they have decided to mock a man with Parkinson's disease by, among other things, throwing dollar bills at him and hollering "Communist!" and "I'll decide whether you get money!":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXsRH73Cnw8


Background on Bob:

"Bob, the man with Parkinson's who was targeted by the Tea Partiers, sat down with ProgressOhio for an interview. He is 60 years old and was first diagnosed with Parkinsons 15 years ago. He has two masters degrees and a Ph.D. from Cornell. He taught at the University of Michigan and worked as a nuclear engineer.

Bob was able to have a $150,000 surgery that greatly increased his quality of life, thanks to Medicare and the Cleveland Clinic. He attended the event in Columbus because he believes in giving back and thinks everyone should have access to affordable health insurance and quality health care."

Bob responds:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfvnNzgQy7Q

















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My Pal Aiden ("80")

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Alex Chilton RIP: "I'm In Love, With That Song. I'm In Love, What's That Song?"

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Alex Chilton passed away on Saint Patrick's Day. He was 59-years-old. Chilton made his first appearance on the music scene as a young teenager. He was the very non-teenager sounding-like vocalist on the familiar hit by The Boxtops titled "The Letter." If you have not heard the song before you probably have never owned a radio:



The Boxtops
"The Letter"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD9mCp8SifM




"I never travel far, without a little Big Star"
(The Replacements "Alex Chilton")

Chilton went on to become songwriter and vocalist for the highly influential and much revered band "Big Star." Two of their songs were already featured on this blog. Here is one of those songs.


Big Star
"Thirteen"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pte3Jg-2Ax4




Chilton released many solo albums after Big Star, but mostly served as record producer extraordinaire. On the EP by The Cramps titled "Gravest Hits," Chilton did a miraculous job capturing that band's unique "ooze and throb" sound. One of my favorite sounding records to this very day:

The Cramps
"Human Fly"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPOVmWzeqEo




In the 1980's, one of my favorite bands, The Replacements, paid homage to Chilton with their song "Alex Chilton," from the album "Pleased To Meet Me."

The Replacements
"Alex Chilton"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTSJYZyouek


So even though he was somewhat of a recluse, Chilton managed to be a teenage star; the leader of a highly respected cult band; a much sought after producer; and finally, to have a brilliant song written for him by one of the truly great bands of the eighties.

All of that and so much more.

Nicely done, Alex.

May you rest in peace.





"Children by the million
sing for Alex Chilton
when he comes 'round, they sing:
'I'm in love, with that song
I'm in love, what's that song?'"
(The Replacements "Alex Chilton")


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Happy Saint Patrick's Day from William Butler Yeats, The Waterboys, and Me

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. . . . . . "Come away, human child/to the water, and the wild"



In 1988, the Irish folk-rock group, The Waterboys, released a near perfect album titled "Fisherman's Blues."


As befitting a near perfect record, the album ends with a stunningly beautiful track titled "The Stolen Child."

The song is actually a poem set to music by The Waterboys. The poem was written approximately 100 years earlier by the great Irish poet William Butler Yeats.

The song almost always makes me teary-eyed, if not flat-out weepy. It's just too damn gorgeous. I have no choice.

There are two videos for your listening/viewing pleasure.

I recommend the first one mainly because it includes the lyrics with the video. There are also some scenic still photos and some pretty cool fantasy artwork:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7YIYQfnreM

However, those of you who are up to your eyeballs in testosterone, and/or have not fully embraced your "inner girlie-man," may prefer the non-fantasy artwork version. It is simply the song with a photo of the album cover as the sole graphic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg-oJKYIinQ



The Stolen Child
(W. B. Yeats/The Waterboys)

Come away, human child
to the water
Come away, human child
to the water, and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand
for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand

Where dips the rocky highland
of Sleuth Wood in the lake
There lies a leafy island
where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats;
there we've hid our faery vats
Full of berries
and of reddest stolen cherries

Come away, human child
to the water
Come away, human child
to the water, and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand
for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand

Where the wave of moonlight glosses
the dim gray sands with light
Far off by furthest Rosses
we foot it all the night
Weaving olden dances
mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
to and fro we leap
ANd chase the frothy bubbles
while the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in it's sleep

Come away, human child
to the water
Come away, human child
to the water, and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand
for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand

Where the wandering water gushes
from the hills above Glen-Car
In pools among the rushes
the scarce could bathe a star
We seek for slumbering trout
and whispering in their ears
We give them unquiet dreams;
leaning softly out
From ferns that drop their tears
over the young streams

Away with us he's going
the solemn-eyed:
He'll hear no more the lowing
of the calves on the warm hillside;
Or the kettle on the hob
sing peace into his breast
Or see the brown mice bob
around and around the oatmeal-chest

For he comes, the human child
to the water
He comes, the human child
to the water, and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand
from a world more full of weeping than he can understand
than he can understand
than he can understand
than he can understand



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Butler Yeats


. . .. . .Shoot The Crows, a favorite watering hole of W. B. Yeats


. . . . . . .. . . . .I'm pretty sure this is a W. B. Yeats statue


"Come away, human child/to the water, and the wild/. . . for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand"







[photos, Ireland 1995 - a special thanks to Mark, the only person who could have gotten me there]
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