I couldn't sleep last night so I made up three jokes:
1) I went to the cardiologist yesterday. He said that I should watch my sodium intake, so on the way home I stopped by the Family Dollar store and bought a mirror.
[boom boom - CHISS! . . . crowd roars!]
2) Before I left the cardiologist, they hooked up one of those "Holter heart monitors" to my chest. It's this boxed shaped recording device with all of these wires attached to it. The nurse said that I can't take a shower with it on. I told her that won't be a problem. The problem will be trying to stop myself from ripping off my shirt and running through the food court at the mall screaming "Allah is great! . . . Allah is great!"
[boom boom CHISS! . . . crowd roars!]
3) And speaking of terrorists [some nervous laughter from the crowd] . . . I flew on an airplane for the first time last week [smattering of crowd applause] . . . Thanks. It wasn't that big of a deal. The key is to start way back in the coach section and then run up the aisle flapping your arms as fast as you can.
[boom boom CHISS! . . . crowd roars!]
Thank you! . . . Thank you! . . . No, really - you're too kind! . . . I will be in Dayton through this weekend and the remainder of the life!
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