It's Time For "5 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS!!!" . . . TV's Latest Game Show Craze!

.ALEX TREBECK: Welcome back to 5 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS!!! where *you* get the chance to be anyone you want to be for . . .

STUDIO CROWD: 5 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS!!!

ALEX: That's right! And we have today's winner, Kevin Smith of Dayton, Ohio, ready to stake his claim. Hi Kevin.



KEVIN: Hi Alex.

ALEX: So Kevin . . . have you made your decision?

KEVIN: Yes I have Alex.

ALEX: And who will it be . . .




KEVIN:  I would like to be- 

ALEX: So who is it that Kevin Smith of Dayton, Ohio wants to be for . . .

STUDIO CROWD: 5 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS!!!

KEVIN: I would-

ALEX: Tell us, Kevin - who is it? . . . Who would you like to be if you could be anybody for . . .

STUDIO CROWD: 5 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS!!!

KEVIN (staring straight ahead):  " . . . "



ALEX: Kevin? . . .

KEVIN: Are you sure you want to do this now, Alex?

ALEX: YES! Who would-

KEVIN: I would like to be Pete Townshend playing "Baba O'Riley" for 5 minutes and 8 seconds in the movie THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT.



[studio crowd cheers]
 

ALEX: So - Pete Townshend it is . . . playing the song we all know and love as "Teenage Wasteland." The song that lasts-

KEVIN: "Baba O'Riley"

ALEX:  Excuse me?

KEVIN: The song is called "Baba O'Riley," Alex.  "Teenage wasteland" is part of the lyric. It's not the name of the song.
 
ALEX: Oh - OK. But one thing we know for certain! The song lasts . . .

STUDIO CROWD: 5 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS!!!
 
ALEX: I don't know Kevin - you may need to slim down a bit to do that little butt wiggle that Pete does near the beginning of the song!




[studio crowd laughs]



KEVIN: Just play the fucking clip, Alex.




ALEX:  Alrighty then!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCNeVHv3Mlg



























[EDITOR'S NOTE: Click on individual photos to enlarge . . . the photo that is - not yourself.]


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singles fish fry beckley wv (a poem)

singles fish fry beckley wv

leather hands & throats
stroke sweaty beers

hacking up the coal dust
phlegm of the earth.

a violin pours like honey

bees circling
light pink melon rinds

in the shimmer
near the fire
your earring
. . . . .. . . dangles
like a lure

hoping to hook
a keeper.













(from the chapbook STUNNED BY THE MOMENT, 1990; second place winner The Dayton Voice writing contest; and published somewhere else that I can't remember. Fishing lure from The John C. Smith Collection)

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hunker down for pucker-time (a work poem for the masses)

hunker down for pucker-time

the sun glares
then screams
& morning dew
like mercury
beads & jiggles
to the tune
of a badly tuned
engine pouring
into the city
like waste
down a pipe.

buoyant with
coffee-fed false hope
your lips start
to pucker
for the boss's
pimply ass.










(original title "heigh ho heigh ho" - from the chapbook ROCKING GENTLY OUT OF SYNC, 1995 - also published in SLIPSTREAM)

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"lower 40s (negotiable), immediate occupancy, several stories, handyman special (corner of gravity & time)" (a poem)

"lower 40s (negotiable), immediate occupancy, several stories, handyman special (corner of gravity & time)"

there goes the neighborhood.
time has moved in-
to your face. the law firm of
mascara, eyeliner, & blush
draw up the notice to quit
the premises. a temporary
restraining order.

but time is stubborn and time persists.

in
the
rooms
out of sight
gravity is claim-
ing squatter's rights.

(your mother was correct - location *is* everything)

open house. a few look-
ers. on the first date
interest levels fluc-
tuate.

nobody can close.

low ball offers.
you want more.
but to replenish the coffers
you will open the door.









(revised 2009, original from the chapbook TRYING TO UNRAVEL SOMETHING, ANYTHING, 1998)


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Memorial Day, Dayton National Cemetery (a poem)

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Memorial Day, Dayton National Cemetery

They have all come looking
for fathers, husbands, uncles, or sons
and they find them
still
standing at attention
aligned in straight rows
like some perverse take on the domino theory
that killed so many of them.

Roaming strange fields they fell
as rifles talk! talk! talked!
the universal language of gunfire,
bullets swearing holes into mud-caked skin.

And today, the only blood not shed
flows through the veins
of the mothers, fathers, sons & daughters,
gathered here to touch the sun-bleached stones.





(from the chapbook TRYING TO UNRAVEL SOMETHING, ANYTHING, 1998)

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A Jumbo Stat Has Been Reached!

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It is with considerable aplomb, and just a smidgen of pomp and circumstantial evidence, that we here at Jumbostatz welcome yet another country into our "League Of Musical Nations."

But this isn't just any celebration.

This is the BIG one - the one that *everyone* here at Jumbostatz has been waiting for.

That's right . . .

This is nation NUMBER 50!

So without any further adieu we welcome . . .


INDIA TO THE JUMBOSTATZ LEAGUE OF MUSICAL NATIONS!




Feareth not India for the above congratulatory cake is *not* from Pakistan (everybody say "YAY!"). And better still - it is not ticking (everybody say "YAY!" again). The cake is from your friends here at Jumbostatz headquarters.

Earlier this month a gentleman named "Viju" from Mumbai purchased the 3 CD box set by The Rolling Stones titled THE SINGLES COLLECTION. And "yes" this *was* the out-of-print (oop) and very hard-to-find SACD (Super Audio Compact Disc) hybrid version of the release with the Inaugural Edition Certificate Of Authenticity (duh).

[NOTE: see eBay item number 200336884515 for additional details]

Interestingly enough, if you look very closely at the map below (middle left coastline) you can actually see a photo of the plane leaving the port of Mumbai after dropping off Viju's Rolling Stones box set:



Viju's purchase sent a roar through the Jumbostatz facility here in Dayton, Ohio that apparently could be heard as far away as the kitchen. Everywhere you looked (assuming of course that either myself or my cat Marley were in your field of vision) there was a celebration - a veritable non-stop "hi-fiving" of cat and human and vice versa.

We strongly suspected that the streets of Mumbai, India were filled with the same type of revelry and Viju was nice enough to confirm this by sending some photos to Jumbostatz headquarters from his hometown:


















[NOTE: I assume this last photo is of Viju. It looks like the 3 CD box set might be in his right front pocket]

So once again . . .

WELCOME INDIA TO THE JUMBOSTATZ LEAGUE OF MUSICAL NATIONS!

Jumbostatz . . . bringing *all* of the music to *all* of the people since August 2001!

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Today In Rock And Roll History

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HAPPY 68TH BIRTHDAY TO BOB DYLAN!









. . .(Beatrice "Beattie" and Abram "Abe" Zimmerman w/little Bobby)


























"I love Bobby's songs . . . I love to hear other people sing them"
. .(Beattie "Mom" Zimmerman)

Every Grain Of Sand
Bob Dylan

In the time of my confession, in the hour of my deepest need
When the pool of tears beneath my feet flood every newborn seed
There's a dyin' voice within me reaching out somewhere,
Toiling in the danger and in the morals of despair.

Don't have the inclination to look back on any mistake,
Like Cain, I now behold this chain of events that I must break.
In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand
In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand.

Oh, the flowers of indulgence and the weeds of yesteryear,
Like criminals, they have choked the breath of conscience and good cheer.
The sun beat down upon the steps of time to light the way
To ease the pain of idleness and the memory of decay.

I gaze into the doorway of temptation's angry flame
And every time I pass that way I always hear my name.
Then onward in my journey I come to understand
That every hair is numbered like every grain of sand.

I have gone from rags to riches in the sorrow of the night
In the violence of a summer's dream, in the chill of a wintry light,
In the bitter dance of loneliness fading into space,
In the broken mirror of innocence on each forgotten face.

I hear the ancient footsteps like the motion of the sea
Sometimes I turn, there's someone there, other times it's only me.
I am hanging in the balance of the reality of man
Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EOGef0xtTo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrRJV5vFXDI

(same song - two different videos)

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Greatest Live Songs Where The Singer's Brother Bum Rushes The Stage After Getting Off Work From His Second Shift Job @ General Motors, #1

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ALRIGHT!

TWO SONGS FROM **MY VERY FIRST GUIDED BY VOICES SHOW** ARE NOW ON YOUTUBE!





"This song's called 'Aquarium Hovercraft.' No, not really. We don't know that one."
.(R. Pollard)


I can remember Bob and Jimmy Pollard playing "King Of The Mountain" on stage that night like it was 15 years ago!

Hey! . . . Wait! . . . It *was* 15 years ago!

Jimmy had just gotten off work from his now long defunct second shift job at General Motors and snuck in the Canal Street Tavern's First Street door. To Bob's surprise, Jimmy eventually made it up on stage to wrassle and kick box with his big brother while delivering some "rough but ready" vocal help on "Quality Of Armor" (the 2nd song on the video).

This is also the show where Bob insisted that Canal Street Tavern owner Mick Montgomery introduce the band as "King Shit And The Golden Boys." I looked over at Mick after the introduction and he just shrugged his shoulders.

Two really nice young guys sitting next to me, who had never seen Guided By Voices before but had been hearing a lot about them, listened to a couple of songs by "King Shit And The Golden Boys." Then the one kid jumps up and yells in my ear: "We're tired of waiting for Guided By Voices" - we're taking off." Before I could say "But wait - this *is* Guided-" they were out the door.

But anyway, here you go - the #1 song in the latest "Greatest Songs" series entitled . . .

Greatest Live Songs Where The Singer's Brother Bum Rushes The Stage After Getting Off Work From His Second Shift Job @ General Motors, #1:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs_At0diRtY











. . . . ("hangin' out" w/Bob & Jimmy after the show or . . . "gig")


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Greatest Rock And Roll Songs, #1

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Greatest Rock And Roll Songs, #1


Here is 2 minutes and 57 seconds of rock and roll perfection.

A few chords; an instantly memorable guitar riff handed down by the rock gods; cabalistic yet evocative lyrics; and starting at the 1 minute 14 second mark . . .

a grandiose and glorious chorus crescendos for us:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U5BWlCBNS0


"Subspace Biographies"
..Robert Pollard

Has there been a break today,
Stoned comedian Ringo?
Should I put the plates away?
Captain, are you sure they're coming in?

I am quail and quasar
I picked you up on radar
I do my job each day
Empties crushed and fired away

And there is nothing worse than
An undetermined person
Can I abuse you please
it In my subspace biographies?


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Greatest Songs Written By A Father For A Teenaged Daughter, #1

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Greatest Songs Written By A Father For A Teenaged Daughter, #1:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgXPYN-aXFQ


"Learning To Hunt"
(Robert Pollard)

You were a child reaching out brave and true
For big things in the next room
And I couldn't step into such open sky
Where on the crest of uncertainty you loom
I'm learning to hunt for you
Say that you'll never run too far away
Even with all the answers out there
Where it's brighter but no one will care
Half as much as I care about you
I'm learning to hunt for you

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Greatest Songs Written While Waiting For Your Car At Jiffy Lube, #1

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Greatest Songs Written While Waiting For Your Car At Jiffy Lube, #1


The story on this song is that Robert Pollard was watching television in a Dayton area Jiffy Lube customer lounge while waiting on his car to be serviced. After a commercial break the announcer on the TV station said: "And now we return to The Days Of Our Lives." But instead of hearing The Days Of Our Lives, Bob heard The Best Of Jill Hives. And the rest as they say, is rock and roll history - well, rock and roll genius anyway.

Oh yeah - I also read somewhere that Bob said he wrote The Best Of Jill Hives in less than an hour. Apparently he knows this because the song was completed before Jiffy Lube was finished changing the oil in his car.

Alright! Let's hear it for Jiffy Muse!

But of course Bob is often full of shit. That's why we (i.e. I) love him so. For that reason, and for the dozens upon dozens of over-the-top melodic pieces of brilliance like this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SyYYyybQj0



The Best Of Jill Hives
(Robert Pollard)

Paid up weathered and type-o,
Clad in gladstone watch him go,
Swimming beneath the microscope.
Hello lonely bless the nation.
Mr. Skip to all or none,
Wooden soldiers fall upon,
Try to find what makes her tick,
While their finding out what makes them sick.

I don't know where you find your nerve,
I don't know how you choose your words,
Speak the ones that suit you worse,
Keep you grounded, sad and cursed,
Circle the ones that come alive,
Save them for the best of Jill Hives.

Been around and left you flat,
Tragically decided that,
Every child of God's a brat,
And she's dying to escape them.
But do we really need to see,
All her punchdrunk history,
And which of it might hold the key
For the exit to her destiny.

I don't know where you find your nerve,
I don't know how you choose your words,
Speak the ones that suit you worse,
Keep you grounded, sad and cursed,
Circle the ones that come alive,
Save them for the best of Jill Hives.
Number one in all our souls,
Trifle in the crystal bowl,
Fill it up with 9 to 5,
Save them for the best of Jill Hives.

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"Goodbye Ohio" Hello "Urban Nights"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyZTPsbbqoA








[still photos taken from joe gauder's video]
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