And so we come to the end of another decade . . .

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But what do we call these past ten years . . . the years 2000 through 2009?

We had the "eighties" and the "nineties." Do we call the past decade the "aughts?" Or should it be the "naughts?"

I would like to suggest, given the toll those 10 years took on Dayton, my city of gems, that we call the last decade the "aught naughts."

As in "We ought not have to go through that again."

I love you Dayton, Ohio.




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"Hey Kids! LOOK! It's Puppies! . . . Collect Them All!"

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[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called Jack's Aquarium today (the 29th). The sign is worded incorrectly. They are changing it today to read "2 Puppies - $99.99 each" (they recently sold three). This makes my rant below close to irrelevant. However, I am not removing it because I still think that pet stores are the last place that you want to go to get a puppy. Plus an old girlfriend of mine still thinks that I am "really hot" when I hop up on my writing "high horse" and get all self-righteous and what-not. .:-) ]

The above sign receives the dubious distinction of being the most disturbing and disgusting post-holiday sales promotion that I have ever seen. I actually had to drive around the block to be certain that I was reading it correctly.

I would guess that by today, December 28th, any East Dayton kid who was going to get a puppy for Christmas, has already received it. I would also be willing to guess that the number of *suitable* families who are in the market for five puppies, three days after Christmas, is probably pretty slim. Actually that's probably true any time of the year. ("Hey kids! Let's all pile into the car and go to the pet store and buy five puppies that will cost us thousands of dollars per annum to feed and keep healthy! C'mon! Whatdya say?!")

I was tempted to go into the store and check out the pups, but I knew that it would be too depressing and that I would probably punch the first sales clerk that mentioned the incredible "Five Puppies For $99.99" deal. Besides, I'm sure that I will see them soon enough being rescued on an episode of "Animal Cops" on the Animal Planet channel. Of course, by then the puppies won't be as cute (hence the need to be rescued).

By the way, this "puppy sale to end all puppy sales!" (my phrasing, not Jack's) is brought to you by a pet store that I believe has stated publicly - does not "knowingly" buy from puppy mills.

Uh . . . "Jack?"

If you are up to your eyeballs in puppies three days after Christmas, and are encouraging your customers to "buy 'em by the sack" like they are some kind of White Castle cheeseburger, you are probably supporting a puppy mill.

Speaking of cheeseburgers, "Jack" - maybe if the "Five Puppies For $99.99" sale doesn't work you could sell the puppies by the pound like ground beef. I don't mean grind them up(?!) That would be "cruel," and Jack's Aquarium would never do anything cruel. I mean just throw the damn things in a container; toss the box on a scale; set a price per pound; and sell 'em by the box ("They're priced so low 'cause they're startin' to grow!")

Just a layman's suggestion, after all, you're the marketing expert, "Jack."

In conclusion, I apologize for getting all self-righteous on your asses - my reader's asses that is, not the asses of "Jack" and Jack's Aquarium & Pet Shop employees. But in this world of grayness and relativity, I think that some things are just too obviously wrong to let slide.

[This blog post is dedicated to my friend Gwen - a responsible lover of dogs like no one else I have ever known - who also by chance is celebrating a birthday tomorrow. Word up to any dogs out there that may be reading this: if you ever get the opportunity to be Gwen's pet, *do it*. She will walk you regularly, in all kinds of weather, and always treat you right.]

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7th Annual HoliDayton MusicFest

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My son Andy's solo set at HoliDayton just kicked your honor student's ass.

Good night and God bless.






. . . . (the incredible bottomless guitar o' melody and songcraft)








[top three photos - Dayton Daily News online, 12/27/09; bottom photo - Brock, Dayton Metro Library garden, July 2007]

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The 2009 Smith-Marley Christmas Card Award

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It is with considerable pride that we here at "kevin's myth" announce the 2009 winner of the much-coveted Smith-Marley Christmas Card Award.

First we would like to state that this was the only year in the history of the award that the vote was unanimous (2-0)!

Also, each of the judges wanted it to be known that, in their opinion, both the illustrations *and* the design of the card were outstanding, with each element complementing the other very effectively.

So without further delay . . .

The winner of the 2009 Smith-Marley Christmas Card Award is:

My niece Emily for her original homemade Christmas card featuring that fun-loving character "Vivianne Jinks" and friends!

Please click here *immediately*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxAKFlpdcfc


A little background information on Miss Vivianne Jinks:

Although Miss Jinks' delightfully friendly countenance has appeared in many different formats (including wedding announcements!), Vivianne still longs for her true dream home: between the covers of a published book (children's book publishers & editors please take note!)

Below are some additional pictures of Emily's prize-winning Christmas card (click on any photo to enlarge the image):


. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .(front of card, detail)



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . .(inside top half of card)



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(back of card)



CONGRATULATIONS EMILY!

Long live Vivianne Jinks!

:-)

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A New Smith Family Tradition Is Born (Smith Family, Version 2.0 (1984), that is)

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Then . . .

. . . Hey kids! Andy's hiding in this picture! Can you find Andy?!


Thanksgiving 1988, on the front porch of ye olde Smith homestead



and now . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .Christmas 2009


My son Andy's mother came up with the excellent idea that the three of us go out to dinner for Christmas this year. I have been scratching my head ever since Dian made the suggestion, wondering why we had not thought of doing this before.

So on Wednesday, December 23rd, we headed out to The Barnsider on North Main street, where we enjoyed a wonderful dinner and had a great time.



The Smith Family (version 2.0, 1984) - OK, technically not "The Smiths" anymore, but I don't think that Dian minds being a "Smith" again for just this one night.


Jen, a real sweetheart of a waitress, greets us (Please note: I'm pointing a camera right at the gal but she still has her eyes on Andy).


I have no idea what Andy is doing, or about to do, in this photo. The only thing that I know is that Dian still has not learned a very basic lesson: "Don't smile or laugh - you will only encourage him."


Andy explaining to Jen the waitress how he is able to compose a song using nothing more than a common bread knife for accompaniment.


This photo is just too damn good to spoil with a silly caption. Great job guys!


Hey! eHarmony *really* works! No, wait - that's Andy's mom I have my paws all over.


This one has me a bit puzzled: the guy on the left looks like he is about to belch, and the guy on the right appears to be a "mouth breather" of some sort. Conclusion: Oh boy - this is your lucky night Dian.


Dian engaging in that mysterious female ritual of rooting through her purse looking for something. Who knows, based on that previous picture of Andy and me, perhaps she is simply looking for her car keys.


Andy smiles for the both of us as I was tired after eating an 8 oz. filet.


Jen scoped out both fireplaces and decided this one was the best for a family photo. It would appear, from the animated and slightly alarmed look on Andy's face, that perhaps the boy has drifted just a little *too close* to the fire if you know what I mean. You would think after all these years Andy would have learned a lesson or two from Chet ("Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire")



.and so a new tradition is born . . . and I for one am most grateful.




"They're the greatest divorced parents ever"
.(Andy to Jen the waitress)







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Alright! Ol' Kev Scores The Christmas Cookie Hat Trick!

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I am very pleased to report that each of the three elderly ladies in my apartment building gave me Christmas cookies this year!

That's right! It's the Christmas cookie hat trick . . . the triple crown!

Pearl and Hazel placed little Christmas bags at my door (and I haven't even met Hazel yet).

But of course 90-year-old Arlene, from across the hall, stopped by (w/her hair in curlers!) to visit when she brought me cookies. Arlene never misses a chance to chat and tell stories:

"I told everyone to get me gift cards for the book store for my birthday and Christmas. I read till 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning every night"

Me: "I still think that it's all of that reading that keeps you so sharp"

"I think you're right. But I am getting so old [reaches up to her face] Oh - I forgot I had these curlers in - I'm getting old. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I say 'Arlene? . . . You sure are getting ugly!'"

"You know Pearl downstairs just lost her husband so I try to get her out some. We went to the opera last week [makes a sour face] - that's what Pearl wanted to do, plus it was at her church. But it was a good opera - a jazzy one. My toe was tapping the whole time. I always move my feet when I listen to music. I taught tap and jazz dance for 30 years."

"My husband was 100% Chicago Irish and he had a Ph.D [can't believe I didn't ask what field of study - next time for sure]. He was a perfect husband. It was an adjustment when he retired from teaching though. I started buying a bottle of wine every week until I got use to it. I would mix it with ginger ale to make it last"


This Arlene gal can flat out talk some shit. :-)

We ended our chat with an agreement that I would take her trash bags downstairs and out to the garage every Wednesday. Arlene has two replacement knees and has been hauling two bags of trash (sometimes one bag at a time) down the stairs every week(?!)

I hugged her good-bye and gave her a smooch on the cheek:

"How tall are you?!"

"I'm six foot six"

"I'm five-feet tall . . . *exactly*"



(this note was attached to the two trash bags that Arlene set outside her door the following morning)




[for an introduction to Arlene see the blog entry for 11/28 titled "A Belated Happy Thanksgiving Day Wish"]

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Christmas Warning For Next Year

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I just wanted to give everyone a "heads-up" about something. If you are thinking about taking the family to "Who-ville" next Christmas, it's not worth it.

I was there for like three hours this year and did not see Pete Townshend *one* single time.

Two words: Rip. Off.



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Fairytale Of New York

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The Pogues w/Kirsty Macoll:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCr30OVMjHA


Fairytale Of New York
(Shane MacGowan/Jem Finer)

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

ADDENDUM: A very sad story about the great Kirsty MacColl:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/dec/11/kirsty-maccoll-campaign-anniversary-death

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**UPDATE** SATURDAY THE 26TH SOLO SHOW

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Andy "Andrew" Smith will be leading off the HoliDayton festivities this Saturday the 26th at Blind Bob's with a half-hour solo set starting at 8:15.

No excuses this time for you "early to bed" folks. :-)

See below for additional information:



7th Annual HoliDayton @ Blind Bob's, December 26th

.. . . .(pictured left to right: Andy Smith, nothingness)

Andrew "Andy" Smith of ANDREW AND THE PRETTY PUNCHERS will be playing a solo set at HoliDayton: The Seventh Annual Dayton Music Showcase on Saturday, December 26th at Blind Bob's. Blind Bob's is located smack dab in the middle of Fifth Street in the Oregon District.

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Holiday Wishes

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. . . . . . . . . . . .peace of mind for each of you . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . peace on earth for all

All the best,
Kevin the human and Marley the cat








"Then onward in my journey I come to understand
.That every hair is numbered like every grain of sand"

.(B. Dylan)

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HOLY CRAP!

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Dear rock fans,

I intentionally didn't listen to the rough mix of the new ANDREW AND THE PRETTY PUNCHERS album for a week, and then played it today.

HOLY CRAP!

You folks . . . the Chosen Few . . . are in for a real treat.

The new album, titled "No Longer A Lover," is going to be so freakin' good!

Yours in rock,

Kevin (Smith)

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Breakin' Brekkie Bread w/The Godfather (80's style)

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Yesterday my new pal Aiden (nickname "Aidie" spelled "80") cruised into D-town for breakfast at the "First Watch . . . Then Eat" restaurant.

Here are some photos of the wonderful time I had with the young whippersnapper. All of the pictures were taken at the breakfast event and the post-brekkie visit to Casa Smith (i.e. my humble new abode), except for the one directly below. That one is included simply because I like it:


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . two words: dog hat


. . . . . . . . . . a pre-breakfast "smooch du jour" appetizer


checkin' out 80's very cool blue jeans (the back pockets are *real* pockets that also have functioning buttons that actually snap!)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . peaceful post-brekkie moment


kevin in heaven while 80 zeroes in on the belly ("one man's full belly is a younger man's potential pillow")


see! what did i tell you about the "belly as potential pillow" thing? 80 doin' a sideways-snooze face-plant on my belly shelf (please note previously mentioned back pocket button snaps)


. 80 *completely and totally* zonked . . . kevin in heaven (again)


. . . . . . . . . . . . suddenly awake! . . . with cheeks ablaze!

. . . post-brekkie meeting w/80 (aka "the godfather") is adjourned

p.s. oh yeah - 80 brought his mom. she's doing fine.

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