Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Here's One For The "WTF?!" File

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

My Four Sons And My Four "Sons"


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. . . . . . . . . pictured left to right: Andy, Andy, Andy, and Andy



. . . . pictured left to right: Michael, Michael, Michael, and Michael








[both photos are details of photos by Kurt Moorman]

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Someone Toss Me A Baby! I Gotsta Dance!


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Hey!

Does anyone out there have a "little saka sugar" (i.e. a leetle beebee) that I can borrow for a couple of minutes?



I am really hankerin' for some toes to chew on while dancing to this song!




Thank you Woody! I love your song!

Please listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeDlYhKu-6U


















Woody Guthrie, his wife, Mary,
and their three sacks of sugar






(thanks for the song, susan) :-)

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Find 10 Negroes . . . Win A Beer!

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pictured l to r: obvious patriots (you can tell by the colors they are wearing - had they opted to wear muave, or charteuse with perhaps gold or silver accents, they would *not* be patriots )


Regarding yesterday's Glenn Beck/Tea Party rally in Washington, D.C. . . .

I have seen 11 crowd photos of attendees and there is not a single black face in any of the photos.

Not a one.

Nada.

Not that there is anything wrong with that of course.

But *please* . . . let's call 'em like we can all plainly see 'em and stop with this "the Tea Party represents a cross-section of America" bullshit.


pictured l to r: a fucking shitload of white people (not that there's anything wrong with that)


OK. Here's the deal.


The first person to find 10 Negroes in *any* of the crowd photos from yesterday's D.C. rally gets a free beer!

That's a *domestic* beer - none of that dang "forner" crap.


Oh yeah. They have to be photos from the main group of attendees, not pictures from [ahem] "the back of the crowd" so to speak.


Alrighty then . . .


Get on your mark . . .

Get set . . .


Screw Waldo!

Find 10 Negroes!




[EDITOR'S NOTE: We recommend searching "Google - Images"]


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Saturday, August 28, 2010

My Son Cool, Making Rock

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Where Were You On August 27, 2010?

..

Of course, we all remember where we were the day that Bob Dylan went electric at the Newport Folk Festival in 1965.

OK, so maybe that's just me who remembers that.


The more important, and much more immediate rock and roll issue is this: Do you know where you were last night, Friday, August 27th, at about 10:15?


If you can't remember, you may want to sit down and figure it out, because that was when Andy Smith plugged in and went electric.


Andy played 8 or 9 solo acoustic numbers (all new songs . . . the hits just keep on coming!) before inviting the Pretty Punchers powerhouse rhythm section of Josh (bass) and Michael (drums) onstage for three songs (two more new ones!).

The sound was less nuanced than the full Pretty Punchers band - more meaty and muscular. The trio was an especially nice match for the final song - a brand new "spot on" British Invasion inspired song.

Maybe Lou Reed was onto something when he said "You just can't beat guitar, bass, and drums."



"Meaty, beaty, big, and bouncy"
.(P. Townshend)


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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Zvuki Mu

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Last year, while on one of my searches for eBay fodder, I stumbled upon a 1989 CD titled "Modern Songs From Russia" by a group called Zvuki Mu.


This intrigued me.


The picture on the back of the CD, of what I assumed to be a band member, intrigued me even more (see photo above).

And to lock in my "hat trick" of intrigue, I noticed that the album was produced by none other than Brian Eno.


I thought, for $4.98 . . . what the hell. I mean - even the cover was pretty cool.




I just got around to listening to the album this past weekend. What it appears to be is some kind of twisted Russian concoction of the band Roxy Music. No surprise I guess, with Brian Eno doing the knob twisting. The album is very unusual and fairly entertaining.


Today I decided to do a Youtube search and I stumbled upon a song by the band that sounds absolutely nothing like the album I own.


Au contraire, this song kicks serious butt.

To be very candid and direct, there is absolutely nothing about this song and video that I don't like. From the manic behavior of lead singer Pyotr Mamonov (pictured above when he had more hair), to the scorching guitar playing, to the bass player's mid-song howl, to the very cool little kid playing air guitar throughout the entire song. Even the clumsy, self-conscious "walk-off" ending is spot on.


This song and video also unequivocally answers the following two questions:

1) Can Russians rock?

Yes.

and

2) Do Russian musicians have a sense of humor?

Yes.



One suggestion: Make sure to hit the "full screen" button so that you can experience Pyotr Mamonov in all his spastic glory.

So without furthur delay, ladies and gentleman I give you the song "Grubiy Zakat" by Zvuki Mu:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyCsJAj69sc








ADDITIONAL PHOTOS: the first one is of the band, and the remaining three are of Pyotr Mamonov. The final picture is from the set of a movie. Apparently, Mamonov is a well-respected actor in his Russian homeland. Why am I not surprised?









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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Zebra Tomatoes Are Too Pretty To Eat

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. . . . . . . . . . .(click on either photo to make image larger)


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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Guess Who I Saw Today?

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The potatoes, beans, and tomatoes are from Penny's Garden O' Plenty . . . additional sizes and colors of all three are available upon request! The peaches and the apples are from the local Mennonite store.














. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . zebra tomatoes!





. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. my favorite!






ALSO NOTE: Penny reports a noticeable upgrade in friskiness from Cooper's Coop, the home of "the gang of 24." Fresh eggs could be here by mid-September!

















"Thank you, Penny"
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Monday, August 23, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Saturday, August 14, 2010

the laughter boat (a poem)

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the laughter boat



the laughter boat
docks at sadness
cargoless and blue

i would give my vada pinson autograph
for a vision right now,
religious or otherwise

i walk around the park
counterclockwise
trying to unravel something,

anything. in the air
the bells of st. anthony, sirens,
and the whir of a ceiling fan

the neighbors voices are a murmur,
on windy days my house
creaks and groans

i hear sounds
i want songs





(from the chapbook TRYING TO UNRAVEL SOMETHING, ANYTHING, 1998; photo by me, 1982)

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Friday, August 13, 2010

Letter From An Old Friend (a poem)

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Letter From An Old Friend


Hope things are OK by you.
I am doing fine. I have
a wife and a son now,
a new house (10.25% fixed rate),
2 cats, 2 cars (imports),
3 TVs (one w/cable & remote),
1 microwave, 2 stereos (one w/CD player),
1 camcorder (w/autofocus, 8:1 zoom &
variable shutter speed), 3 riding mowers
(counting the one at the cottage),
2 IRA accounts, 4 credit cards,
& a backyard full of pretty trees.

I read in a magazine
that if you add all the above
and it totals more than 25
then you must be happy.

I guess that makes me happy.

Especially when I count the trees.




(from the chapbook Stunned By The Moment, 1992 - also published in The Chiron Review)


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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The First Song That Made Me Want To Have Sex

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"I Think We're Alone Now" by Tommy James and the Shondells was the first song that made me want to have sex.


I was usually listening to it alone in my bedroom, so more often than not, I did.

I think that it was the pulsating rhythm of the song that did it to me. Or maybe the part where the boy and the girl "tumble to the ground." Then there's that "the beating of our hearts is the only sound" part. That got me, too.

And of course, there's the cricket sounds that illustrate just how alone the boy and girl are at that point in the song - the point where they "tumble to the ground," that is.

I think that maybe the cricket sounds nailed it for me.

Once the crickets kicked in I pretty much knew there was no turning back.


Please listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkMFLUXTEwM



By the way, here is a photo of me at that time in my life:


Although the song was not playing when the picture was taken, I think that I must have been thinking about it, because as you can readily see from my body language, I am really wanting to have sex . . . really, really bad.

On second thought, if the photo was taken in the early evening, maybe I heard a cricket, and my body simply had a Pavlovian reaction to the sound. That would explain my somewhat tense facial expression and my ready-to-make-sweet-love posture.

I suspect that we will never really know for sure, and this mystery - like so much of rock and roll - will be left for the historians to debate.


Please listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgIB9XRaj0E


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Penny's Garden 'o Plenty

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Penny has crazy tomato skills









Penny's Garden o' Plenty also doubles as the de facto airport for butterflys in the tri-county area (Pike, Highland, and Ross county). I have never seen so many butterflies - and so many different kinds as well. It is a constant hub of activity. Imagine Chicago's O'Hare airport without the planes.




This is some kind of "moon" flower. The stalk is nearly four feet tall. This is what awaits your gaze at the end of the stalk. Please note how the thin purple trim around the edge of the plant mimics the solid purple in the center. Mother Nature kicks ass once again.





In Penny's side yard is another area called "Kevin's Garden." Much like its namesake, it is a work in progress. This is a photo of the aforementioned namesake seated on "Kevin's Bench."





Of course, if you like your "nature" just a little more active, you can visit with the 26 chickens (make that 24 . . . damn weasel) that were given to Penny for her birthday. "Peek-a-boo" appears to be the "game du jour" for this strapping young fellow.




Then again, if you like your "nature" considerably more mischievous, you can hang out with these three young whippersnappers. Penny's grandsons go by the names of Kade, Deegan, and Keegan. Each one of them is *at least* 100% boy. Please note the mini-lid on top of Kade's noggin.
























All photos by Penny

[Click on individual photos to enlarge image]
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Monday, August 9, 2010

Why Can't I Own A Canadian?

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(the feisty one, just seconds before scratching, or "smoting," the eyes of a sinner)


Apparently, the gentleman who the following letter is attributed to, denies having written it. This, of course, only proves that he is a silly goose.


Who would *not* want to take credit for this brilliant letter to that feisty little right-wing know-it-all, Dr. Laura?

By the way, kudos to myself for describing the [ahem] "good" doctor without unleashing the "b" bomb.

Have fun! . . .




On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.


The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia





[EDITOR'S NOTE: regarding the photo above . . . if you zoom in closely you can see how the good doctor's fingernails, or "smotation devices," are beginning to extend ever so slightly. Also, please notice the hair. It has nothing to do with the imminent attack. I just wanted you to check it out]


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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Marley

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This is my cat Marley. He is at least 17 years old. That is 84 in human years.

Marley is showing his age, but hanging in there.

Marley vomits at least twice a day and cries at night. He is also losing his hearing and eating his own fur. He will be going to the doctor very soon. I believe this will be his first doctor's visit since he was declawed as a young cat.

Marley is one tough and ornery son of a bitch. He is also the best pet I have ever had.

God bless Marley.

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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Another Picture From The Legendary "Hot" Years

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In reference to the above photo, your first directive is to avert your gaze from my complete lack of buttocks. My parents had my ass cheeks surgically removed at birth for reasons that I still do not completely understand. Perhaps it was so that Catholic priests would find me less desirable.

But anyway - in lieu of my flat screen ass - please notice instead the ever present "lid" sitting a top the hood of my 1970 350 cubic inch V-8 powder blue Pontiac Tempest ("Jean Luc Pontiac" to be exact).

That lid was my hat.

It was cool.

I wore it on my head.

I felt that it added considerably to my existing savior faire.





ADDENDUM: Before you begin to sense a certain level of self-absorption in these black & white photos, please be advised that I was enrolled in a photography class at The Dayton Art Institute at the time (1982), and our final assignment was "self- portraits."


Thank you.

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Where'd You Go?

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The gentleman pictured above was a homeless acquaintance of mine back in the early 80s. He spoke very broken English, but more than made up for any communication barrier with the universal language of a kind face and a gentle spirit.

I asked him if I could take his photo by first pointing to my camera and then towards him. He responded by simultaneously shaking his head and motioning that his pockets were empty. He thought that I was going to take his picture and then try to sell him a copy. Once we got that little bit of confusion sorted out, he nodded and just stared right at the camera.


The photo was taken in 1982 at the 3rd street bus stop - next to the Old Courthouse - across the street from the Arcade.



"where'd you go? where'd you go?

. i closed my eyes and you was gone"
. (a. smith "hide and seek")


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