MISSING: Man, Kind

. . . . . (PHOTO #1 - Smith as idealistic youth . . . "have you seen me?")


. . . . (PHOTO #2 - possible Smith sighting circa 1984 w/singing accomplice known only as "Andy")


. . . . (PHOTO #3 - possible Smith sighting last summer w/accomplice known only as "wiley rice-man")



. . . (PHOTO #4 - actual *very recent* Smith sighting in deepest East Dayton)



THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

**AMBER ALERT**


I would like to take this opportunity, and use this forum, to report that I (from here on referred to as "Kevin Smith" or simply "Smith") am missing.

Smith has been sort of missing since his early twenties (photo #1), but he's *really* been missing for the past couple of months. He has used three different disguises over the years: 1) gray; 2) grayer; and 3) grayest.

As you can see from the 4th photo, Smith appears to have evolved into a somewhat scary and humorless old coot who doesn't take much of a liking towards anything anymore. Smith has also become somewhat challenged in the area of cranial accoutrements. This is believed to be intentional as he feels it is a simple way to avoid eye contact since nobody would look at an idiot wearing stacked hats. Smith pretty much hates this bastard that he has become and wants to have him evicted from his inner premises. But the cocksucker won't budge.

In a word: it's not-

In three words: it's not pretty.

As you can see from the bottom of photo #1 the name "Kevin" is taken from the Celtic language and it actually means "kind," so this new-fangled "bitter old fuck" version of Smith is having some problems living up to that first name, even though he was fairly recently described as having "the kindest smile I have ever seen" by someone, who for the sake of this report, we will simply refer to as "the loverly Sarah."

And an old friend, quoted in the past, tensely, once mentioned: "the one word I used to describe Smith at the time was 'kind'."

And Smith's recently deceased sister stated *in writing* that he had "a kind heart." But of course instead of reaching out and touching someone (oh . . . let's see . . . ummm . . . maybe someone with "a kind heart" perhaps), she immediately opted to take her mind off things by spray painting the interior wall of her closet a very troubling and nightmare-inducing brain gray color that clashes terribly with life and the living.

So it appears that the judgment of Smith's sister may have been a little bit impaired on a couple of different levels.

But anyway, about this word "kind" that Smith was born with by translation, has been used on several occasions to describe him, and that Smith is having trouble living up to today. To paraphrase the great Spanish philosopher, Inigo Montoya, from his masterpiece The Princess Bride:

“'Kind' . . . You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."


But back to the Public Service Announcement . . .

Smith is lost, but wishes to be found. Which is a fairly odd sensation for someone who doesn't go out much. He would also like to be found in one of his previous states of being (see photos #1 - #3 above), but beggars can't be choosers.

Despite Smith's desire to be found, officials still would like to warn citizens:

If you see Smith, you should reproach him with considerate caution, as he is bedeviled to be harmed and cantankerous.

As Smith reportedly told his last victim, an old friend:

"I have rancor, and I know how to use it."


Thank you.

THIS CONCLUDES OUR PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

**AMBER ALERT**

"hide all yr secrets

.inside of yr jokes
.but yell the truth when it festers"
.(a. smith/k. smith)

. .