Damn Foreigner!

While driving to the grocery this morning I had the perverse pleasure of hearing on my local classic rock radio station the classic rock song "Hot Blooded" by the classic rock band Foreigner.

Much has been written over the years regarding exceedingly bad lines in rock songs. This couplet from "The Beat Goes On" by Sonny & Cher comes to mind:

"and men keep marching off to war

electrically they keep a baseball score"

and even the greats have stumbled now and then:

"can you cook and sew?

make flowers grow?"

(B. Dylan)

It should be noted however, that I am still holding out hope that Mr. Dylan was trying to get under the skin of the politically correct folks with that wince inducer.

.

And I will take The Turtles word for it that they were only joking when they wrote:

"Elenore, gee I think your're swell
And you really do me well
You're my pride and joy, et cetera"

Because if I find out that they were serious there is going to be some big-time shit going down soon.

Regardless of the examples sited above, it wasn't until this morning, when i gave "Hot Blooded" my full and undivided attention, that I realized that there may not be another song in the annals of rock that maintains such an incredible level of insipidness from start to finish.

In case you have forgotten, the boys sprint from the starting gate with this memorable opening:

"Well I'm hot blooded
check it and see

I got a fever
of a hundred and three"

Oh yeah. The old "I'm sick" gambit. That's always been a big turn-on with the ladies.

For me, this line roughly translates to:

"Hey baby, you wanna do it?
I got the flu"

or, for the sake of rhyme, how about?:

"Well I'm hot-blooded,
the night is ours

I'm hot-blooded, baby
I got SARS"

Yeah I'm hot blooded
that's an acronym
it stands for

Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome"

And as if to show that opening killer rhyme about the 103 degree fever wasn't just beginner's luck, the boys immediately ratchet up the stupid quotient a notch or two with this:

"You don't have to read my mind

to know what I have in mind"

For the sake of clarity let me repeat that:

"You don't have to read my mind

to know what I have in mind"

Yep! Sure enough. Identical words *do* in fact rhyme! Well I'll be a sumbitch!

After about two additional rockin' minutes of grilling and intense badgering by the band:

"Do you do more than dance?"
"Did you save your love for me tonight?"
"Can we make a secret rendezvous?
"Shall I leave you my key?"
"What are you doing after the show?"
"Will you be ready when I call your bluff?"
"Are you hot, mama?"

the guys treat us to the classic rock song's entirely too ubiquitous and always clumsy menstrual inquiry:

"Is my timing right?"

It is at this point that Foreigner *finally* asks the [ahem] age-old question:

"Are you old enough?"

?!

Whoa, whoa.

Time-out.

Uh . . . fellas?

Word to the wise.

This particular line of inquiry regarding age should *always* be at the very top of your lyric questionaire. I can't emphasize this enough. Besides the obvious legal implications inherent in the question, there is the practical consideration that, should the young lady in question (or under questioning, if you will) respond "no, i'm sorry, i'm not old enough," you will be able to quickly "ramble on" to the next town (hopefully with your 103 degree temperature still in tow) for a different "rendezvous" with another "hot mama" who may perhaps *legally* "do more than dance."

just a suggestion.

but anyway - back to the song:

"now it's up to you,

can we make a secret rendezvous?

oh, before we do,

you'll have to get away from you know who"

[ED. NOTE: apparently the inquiry regarding the "secret rendezvous" went unanswered in Foreigner's first round of direct questioning]

It would appear that since the dramatic level of the song has plummeted to new depths (perhaps because of the inherent one dimensionality of the lyric (i.e. doing "more than dancing")), the band feels a last second need to employ the old Shakespearean "deux ex machina" scam and introduce this mysterious "you know who" character into the last stanza of the song to spice things up a bit.

and, to be honest, the dramatic affect is quite riveting.

I mean, do any of you *really* know who the "who" of "get away from you know who" is? I know that i don't know who "who" is, and I spend an inordinate anount of time thinking about this kind of stuff. maybe consulting a "who's 'who' in rock" reference book would answer the question. If not, I guess who "who" is will have to remain one of rock's mysteries just like - is Paul dead, did Bowie sleep with Jagger, and what is the exact circumference of Jimi Hendrix's cock.

The remainder of the song continues in pretty much the same vein with the collective temperature of Foreigner's blood apparently remaining quite hot and, at least for the first 2:20 of the song, showing no signs of abating. But in deference to the band, I think that it is only fair to let them, as the kids say nowadays, "take it home":

"hot blooded, every night

hot blooded, you're looking so tight

hot blooded, now you're driving me wild

hot blooded, i'm so hot for you, child

[NOTE: see "suggestion" above]

hot blooded, i'm a little bit high

hot blooded, you're a little bit shy

hot blooded, you're making me sing

hot blooded, for your sweet sweet thing"

(taken from the unpublished E-CHRONICLES, 2003, with revisions from 2008, photo by me)