.. . . . . . .previously gruntled, now disgruntled, Chinese dinerSo I went to New China on Linden Avenue for lunch today. And since I did eat everything on my plate my "inner mom" let me have a fortune cookie for dessert. After savoring it's inherent tastelessness for a couple of minutes I turned my attention to my fortune. It said:
?!?!
Sure it beats last week's rather alarming fortune ("My name is Yo Poo-Stank. You killed my father. Prepare to die"), but still . . . "dashing" . . . "bold adventure" . . . ME?!
I'm a retired, balding librarian with a belly for a stomach for Confucius' sake!
As far as I'm concerned this was the last straw. The one that broke the camel's back before it had a chance to pass through the eye of a needle to the other side of the fence where its bread is buttered on so that it could drive the final nail into its own coffin.
Mega-mixed metahorrifically speaking, of course.
I now have no doubt that the people who are typing these "fortunes" in the back rooms of these restaurants are not even taking the time to peak into the dining area and actually *look* at the person whose "fortune" lies in their hands. Sure the slightly muffled "tick tick tick" of the typewriters adds to the restaurant's ambience and authenticity, but what does that all matter if the typists aren't even getting up to take a look at the diner in question.
As far as I'm concerned this is a moral outage and I'm not going to take it anymore.
Except of course on Mondays when New China has the moo goo gai pan special.
"We have to have sex . . . the cookie said so!"
.(H. Simpson)
this musical interlude provided for your listening pleasure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELZzK8EJ8RE
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2 comments:
That's quite a coincidence. This is Mike, and I too have recently been in on a horrific holocaust of horoscopes from these unfortunate cookies. My most recent one: "Your fortune lies in a different cookie." Good way to suck people back into shit restaurants to pay em back, but hey, you gotta, otherwise you have no fortune. And that simply will not do.
nicely expressed my friend and nephew. i both smiled and guffawed - a rare combo these days.
i tip my hat in your general direction.
your hero,
uncle kevin
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