[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called Jack's Aquarium today (the 29th). The sign is worded incorrectly. They are changing it today to read "2 Puppies - $99.99 each" (they recently sold three). This makes my rant below close to irrelevant. However, I am not removing it because I still think that pet stores are the last place that you want to go to get a puppy. Plus an old girlfriend of mine still thinks that I am "really hot" when I hop up on my writing "high horse" and get all self-righteous and what-not. .:-) ]
The above sign receives the dubious distinction of being the most disturbing and disgusting post-holiday sales promotion that I have ever seen. I actually had to drive around the block to be certain that I was reading it correctly.
I would guess that by today, December 28th, any East Dayton kid who was going to get a puppy for Christmas, has already received it. I would also be willing to guess that the number of *suitable* families who are in the market for five puppies, three days after Christmas, is probably pretty slim. Actually that's probably true any time of the year. ("Hey kids! Let's all pile into the car and go to the pet store and buy five puppies that will cost us thousands of dollars per annum to feed and keep healthy! C'mon! Whatdya say?!")
I was tempted to go into the store and check out the pups, but I knew that it would be too depressing and that I would probably punch the first sales clerk that mentioned the incredible "Five Puppies For $99.99" deal. Besides, I'm sure that I will see them soon enough being rescued on an episode of "Animal Cops" on the Animal Planet channel. Of course, by then the puppies won't be as cute (hence the need to be rescued).
By the way, this "puppy sale to end all puppy sales!" (my phrasing, not Jack's) is brought to you by a pet store that I believe has stated publicly - does not "knowingly" buy from puppy mills.
Uh . . . "Jack?"
If you are up to your eyeballs in puppies three days after Christmas, and are encouraging your customers to "buy 'em by the sack" like they are some kind of White Castle cheeseburger, you are probably supporting a puppy mill.
Speaking of cheeseburgers, "Jack" - maybe if the "Five Puppies For $99.99" sale doesn't work you could sell the puppies by the pound like ground beef. I don't mean grind them up(?!) That would be "cruel," and Jack's Aquarium would never do anything cruel. I mean just throw the damn things in a container; toss the box on a scale; set a price per pound; and sell 'em by the box ("They're priced so low 'cause they're startin' to grow!")
Just a layman's suggestion, after all, you're the marketing expert, "Jack."
In conclusion, I apologize for getting all self-righteous on your asses - my reader's asses that is, not the asses of "Jack" and Jack's Aquarium & Pet Shop employees. But in this world of grayness and relativity, I think that some things are just too obviously wrong to let slide.
[This blog post is dedicated to my friend Gwen - a responsible lover of dogs like no one else I have ever known - who also by chance is celebrating a birthday tomorrow. Word up to any dogs out there that may be reading this: if you ever get the opportunity to be Gwen's pet, *do it*. She will walk you regularly, in all kinds of weather, and always treat you right.]
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