Soccer Can Be Fun(ny)!

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[ED. NOTE: If you want to cut straight to the funny comedy stuff, the Iranian National Anthem "Oh Iran, The Motherland" is at the end of this entry]

I was very excited to see that the drawings for the World Cup were held Friday. Of course, the World Cup is the "Super Bowl" of soccer ("football" to all of my non-American readers).

I will not pretend that I am an avid follower of soccer. However, I do love and fully appreciate the pageantry and intense competition of the World Cup. To me it is like the Olympics, except that it features only one sport.

I fell in love with the World Cup back in 1994 when I was in Miami, Florida for a conference. I spent nearly everyday of the conference watching World Cup matches in the hotel bar with my friends Mark and John, a very entertaining waitress, and dozens of Latino hotel employees. It was great fun. I have watched practically every televised World Cup match since then.

World Cup 2006 was no different. Except this time I also watched the opening ceremonies. Just like the Olympics, it was very moving and made you feel good about the world.

I sent the following e-mail to friends and family during the 2006 World Cup (this was back in my pre-blogging days). It found a fairly receptive audience and so I thought that I would re-visit it. Unfortunately, those ornery cusses, the Iranians, are still up to no good and so the content of the piece (or at least the "Iranian National Anthem") still holds true today.

And so without further adieu, here is a blast from the past:

June 20, 2006

Hey folks,

I have been having a great time watching the opening ceremonies for the first round World Cup matches. Each player for both teams walks onto the field holding the hand of a child (actually the whole child is present). I'm not sure what this officially symbolizes, but I do know that it's pretty damn sweet.

Call me Mr. Softie.

The other fun thing to both watch and listen to are the national anthems of the different countries. ESPN usually will include English subtitles at the bottom of the screen for the non-English anthems. Some of the songs are both musically & lyrically gorgeous - very inspirational. Here's a little excerpt from the Bangladesh national anthem:

My Bengal of gold, I love you
Forever your skies, your air
set my heart in tune as if it were a flute,

In Spring, Oh mother of mine,
the fragrance from your mango-groves
makes me wild with joy - Ah, what a thrill!

In Autumn, Oh mother of mine,
in the full-blossomed paddy fields,
I have seen spread all over - sweet smiles!

What a quilt have you spread
at the feet of banyan trees
and along the banks of rivers!

Oh mother of mine, words from your lips
are like nectar to my ears!


Great stuff! God bless Bangladesh!

Unfortunately for some reason, before the Iran vs. Angola match this morning, ESPN did not provide subtitles for the Iranian national anthem. Luckily, I have my trusty English-Iranian/Iranian-English dictionary here at the house (thank you Dayton Metro library book sale!), and so I was able to decipher most of the lyrics.

Please note: this is a rough draft/translation:


OH IRAN, THE MOTHERLAND

Oh Iran, the Motherland
We love your hill & dale
Oh Iran, the Motherland
You *must* wear your veil

Western world, western world
Stink not in our direction
Western world, western world
Fear the insurrection

Satan America, Zionist lover
Oh you bloated bags of plasma
We will incinerate your holy lands
Including the strip that is Gaza

Oh Iran, the Motherland
We love your hill & dale
Oh Iran, the Motherland
*Please* put on your veil

Oh westerner, imperialist pig
We will kick you in the scrotum
And spread our message to your streets
And even through your modem

Your stink it rises to the heavens
Like so much heavenly-high stinking
In the 60's we thought you’d be friends
What the Sam Hell were we thinking?

Oh Iran, the Motherland
We love your hill & dale
Oh Iran, the Motherland
This is your *last* warning about the veil

Oh you short-sighted gas-guzzling sonsabitches
How we want your fat asses dead
And for every one of you that we miss
May Allah smote us 'bout the head

Oh the immenseness of your stink is huge
You mammoth belching furnace of stench
We saw your mom on the BBC
Oh my Allah! - What a wench!

Oh Iran, the Motherland
We love your hill & dale
Oh Iran, the Motherland
Could someone *please* find a veil?

So score your silly spiteful goals
With your feet and your cranium
While we reach our lofty goal
Of enriching our uranium.

Western world bow down in fear
For now we shall prevail
Wait! Hold it! Where’d you go?!
Allah-damn this *blinding* veil!

Oh Iran, the Motherland
We love your hill & dale
Oh Iran, the Motherland
[Note to selves: Rethink the veil]

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(this blog entry is dedicated to my sister Peggy who was always quite fond of my "Iranian National Anthem") . . . :-)

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